When the News Seems Overwhelming: Remember TRIAGE
/Emotional: TRIAGE
Intense feelings can have a way of being overwhelming and debilitating. Whether you have just found out you are going to lose your job, your spouse has been unfaithful, or your past keeps haunting you, your feelings are valid but must be managed in a way that they can be healthy. Remember: feelings are okay and are a natural part of our lives, we can use them as a tool for greater healing—keeping these ideas in mind can help us:
T: Time
· If someone close to you has just passed, or you’ve received some terrible news or a major life change has just occurred: it is okay for you to have strong feelings!
· Your feelings are normal and need a proper means to work themselves through. We often ask the question: “How can I get over…”, or “How do I stop feeling…” When the truth of the matter is, we need to feel such things for a time.
· We often want to not feel such ways because it is difficult and uncomfortable, but if we don’t other issues can result.
· Realize that a). We need to give ourselves time to feel and, b). Such feelings will not last forever or be as overwhelming.
R: Reflection
· There is a positive and negative side to reflection on our feelings:
o Negative Reflection happens when we continually try and figure out “why” such events happen in our lives (Most often, we cannot control events). We can ask the question to gain insight but must not “park” there by blaming ourselves and/or wishing an imaginary “what if” scenario.
o Positive Reflection happens when we take a look at our emotions and go beneath them in order to address the thoughts and “internal scripts’ that are creating them. For example: We feel intense guilt and shame over having a spouse be unfaithful. We can look at why we are feeling such way to reveal that our own, long-held, insecurities brought up by such a painful act.
· Reflection is a normal part of healing and often provides the meaning that can help us move forward.
- A vital part of reflection can involve prayer and meditation--doing so can get us out of our head and connect us spiritually which can offer hope during intense times.
I: Intensity
· The new feelings you are having are intense, but they will not always be that way.
· Accept that you will have times of intense feelings and times when they are less intense—totally normal!
· Let yourself feel, if you don’t you will have other issues, yes it is scary but also necessary—learn to work with such feelings.
· Such intensity can lead to counterfeit emotions: feelings that are easier to express but are not the true emotion—Example: Sadness turns to anger, excitement turns to fear, longing turns to lust.
A: Access
· Because our feelings can be intense we have to be careful not to “bathe” in them. Just like handling obsessive thoughts, we have to monitor the access we allow our emotions to have—too little can lead to oppressed feelings and too much can lead to unregulated emotions.
· Allowing ourselves a certain time to grieve, feel, cry, whatever, and then scheduling time later that day or the next can give us the time we need, and yet, not make our emotions master over our lives.
G: Grounding
· Grounding is a technique that can get us “out of our head” and into another part of our brain. It is also closely related to mindfulness.
· Mindfulness is about being where we are, noticing the details around us and taking all of them in using our five senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing.
· During such times, focus on engaging outside of you rather than “mulling over” what you are going through.
E: Expression
· Expressing your emotions is a vital part in working through them. This can be best accomplished by having someone close to us we can share with, or journaling.
· Journaling can be vitally important as a means of reflection and measure. We can also use journaling to take down our “real” emotions in order to discern from the counterfeit.
· It is important to be mindful of our “unbridled expression of emotion” as it can lead to conflict and more issues. Simply pouring out anger on others because “that’s just how I feel” can be a boundary violation and lead to greater hurt.
· Though it is important to express our feelings to those who may have hurt us, doing so in an assertive manner can be far more effective than in an aggressive and hurtful manner: Again, writing down by journaling can help with this.
Though there may be a variety of things we can do to help mitigate the overwhelming feelings that come along with news that is understandably hard to hear, remembering these simple steps can help keep us grounded until the intense feelings pass. Also, seeing a counselor can help us process and express what is happening inside of us. If you would like more information then contact my office and if you have thoughts you would like to express then visit my Facebook page Chris Oneth MFTi and "like" the page.
Chris