Beyond Me! What Awe, Gratitude, and Worship Have in Common
/Think about a few of the following: El Capitan in Yosemite National Park, an unexpected gift, hands lifted high at a church worship service, the singing of a moving song, a deep appreciation for what is around us and who is in our life; the child that is amazed by how a helium balloon takes off in the sky (or even the “Yosemitebear Double Rainbow” man from Youtube!). There are many experiences that can take the simplest of events in life and leave us overcome by a well of emotion.
Conversely, we have all known people who seemed “unimpressed” by most everything: whether they tend toward grandiosity or shame they can be negative (pointing out the cloud from the silver lining), short sighted, stodgy, closed off, often depressed, have real difficulty taking compliments, hopeless about most everything and definitely self-absorbed.
What comes to mind when we think of such things, and better yet, how are they all linked (are they all linked?)? For one, all of these have deep emotion surrounding them: happiness, joy, pride, laughter and even nostalgia (just to name a few) but they also have traits in common that carry meaning so powerful we are want to return to them again and again. They also give us insight into some of the essential elements we need as people.
In an article from Carlin Flora in Psychology Today entitled It’s Not All About You, the author points out the importance of going beyond ourselves—that a sense of wonder for that which is around us can get us out of us, on to thinking of external things, and freedom from ourselves. She recounts how scientist (and poster boy for the awestruck) Michio Kaku is fueled in his life by what he considers the infinitely wonderful universe. All of this points to the trend that it is hard to be both awed, grateful and worshiping with a poor attitude. It could also point out to something deeper: that we were made to behave in this way.
Before we go any further I’m sure it would help to define our terms. The Oxford Dictionary defines awe as “a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder”, for gratitude, “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”, and for worship, “the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity”. I would submit that each has the quality of recognizing something outside of ourselves that gives us something we need—which links the terms: reverence, appreciation and adoration together.
So what are the elements that a sense of awe, gratefulness and worship have in common? The following list can give us insight for what is needed to engage the three that get us beyond us.
1. Something Recognized:
In order to feel awe or gratitude (and for some, worship) we first must be looking for the thousand opportunities that present themselves, giving us opportunity. I am reminded the quote from G.K. Chesterton: “We are perishing for want of wonder, not for want of wonders.” When we close ourselves off from recognizing what we can be amazed by (or thankful for) we get stuck in our heads—which can lead us into depression, anxiety, and general unhappiness. It can be a perpetuating cycle: I mull over my pain (stress, hardship, deadline) so I keep my head down and soldier on. When we are pressed in one direction in hopes of conquering the next task, we fail to lift our eyes (to others, or the sky) and thus, miss the simple and amazing. Once we become numb and desensitized to the simple, the medium and grand will also fade—eventually leaving us unimpressed.
If we are to break free from the cage of our heads (and our devices for that matter) we first have to grow attuned to noticing the amazing in everyday experiences: a raindrop, the smell of a fresh cut lawn, birds fluttering about from tree to tree and even the squirrels at play. We must take moments to recognize what is around us—in the still silence of reflection. If we are uneasy with sitting still (or think it is silly) then look into why—not just avoid.
2. Something Vulnerable:
Vulnerability is a core ingredient if we are to go outside of ourselves. In order to check for vulnerability, I often ask clients how they take compliments. We can all feel a bit weird when someone says “hey, you look really nice today” but there are those who may blow it off with a sarcastic joke or even deflect the gesture in some way. I have noticed that many of us can’t take compliments because it means being vulnerable—or handing someone else the power (which can also be a stumbling block in expressing our feelings). Vulnerability to some is a failure and weakness. If we take our unifying definition: recognizing something outside of ourselves that gives us something we need, to say a simple “thank you” would reveal a sort of handing over to someone outside of ourselves a piece of us. Such attitudes carry over to not being able to feel awe because we may have to give up some kind of control. It is interesting to note that some of us who are the most controlling have the hardest time sitting with ourselves (and even letting go).
Vulnerability is essential for our relationships and our well-being (and is required to recognize what is around us!). I have worked with people who see letting down their guard as anathema—not even wanting to mention the “V” word! To say “thank you” and leave it at that, to let go of the stress of life’s spinning plates, or to call out to God with an “I need you and I can’t do this by myself” are the first steps toward rescuing us from ourselves—and they all require vulnerability. If you have a problem with compliments (the reasons can be many) or are not impressed by anything, then take a moment to reflect on this: ask yourself “what really impresses me?” (or moves me?) The answer could be very revealing.
3. Something Revealed:
The ability to recognize the simple and profound and the vulnerability to accept that we need to get outside of ourselves can leave us open to revelation—the third component in our triumvirate. When we stand in awe, or are thankful, or in worship, there can be an uncovering that moves from the simple to the staggering. In so doing we are engaging the creative part of our brain that evokes epiphany, eureka, and…aha! Such an experience can feel like a drug, but it can also be hard to come by when we are stressed and under the gun. Having worked with individuals in crisis, I have seen first-hand what happens when we are perpetually in “fight or flight” mode. Think of being in an argument—muscles tight, heart rate up, and tension high. If we are constantly living our life in such a manner then we may not be able to be thankful, or anything else.
When we are taken by the moment we realized something awesome, when the profound was suddenly evident, only then we can experience the awe, the gratitude, and the adoration. Such statements as “hey, I just realized…” or “Wow! I finally saw the beautiful sky this morning.” and, “Man, the service this morning was so amazing!” All come with the same internal workings as, “Hey, thank you so much for….” And yes, it’s a great feeling.
4. Something Emotional
Like it or not, all of us are propelled by our feelings. Even if reading the word feelings gets you uncomfortable you will likely respond to that discomfort (that’s a feeling by the way). Where we can often do things out of rote, after some time, we will lose any sort of interest or passion, which can then lead to frustration. When we are thankful, awestruck or worshipful we tend to be moved by positive emotion. All of us have said a simple “thank you” out of a cultural compulsion, but genuine gratitude wells up from an emotional place in our hearts. So too does awe and adoration. In a paper written by Shiota Campos and colleagues entitled What is Shared, What is Different? In the online journal Cognition and Emotion, the author points out that awe and gratitude share similar qualities as joy, amusement, love, contentment and pride—with joy and love distinctly sharing a display (Could that be worship?) (Shiota, et al 2013).
It obviously doesn’t take a team of psychologists to point out that good feelings have other good feelings in common; what we do need to see is that the few can beget others. Therapists across the board speak of the power of gratitude—so much so, in fact, that a popular daily exercise often prescribed is to write down three things we are grateful for every day. This not only gets the Recognition muscle working, it brings about other positive emotions. So yes, emotion is a considerable ingredient in the common components of our three.
5. Something Released (that Needs a Response)
Awhile back I wrote about “Focal Points” those people, places and things in our life that can bring up both positive and negative feelings. By way of a refresher, we can attach both good and bad feelings to smells, songs, time of year and even people. These emotional triggers can serve as a way of releasing what may be difficult for us to articulate. Feelings in general can be very hard to form into words (that’s why there are a few ready ones that we go to first). When it comes to awe, gratitude and worship, the engaging in any one of the three can release something inside of us that may not have other opportunity to do so. Think of it this way, when I see the amazing, cloud filled, blue sky after a night of rain, and smell the freshness of the air with its coolness on my skin—sometimes, all I can say is “wow!”
In responding to what I am seeing, or what has been done for me, or in adoration at a church service, I get to do something with the feeling that is within me. Such response can actually strengthen the good emotion or feeling. Just like when we say, “hey, I’m angry” which can get that ball rolling. In the same way when we say, “thank you” or “that’s awesome!” or “It is such a beautiful day today” the positive attitude connects to other parts of our brain—the language and the feeling parts. Response allows for release, release bolsters attitude, and attitude (in the strictest definition) is how high up you are.
Putting It All Together:
What use is there in recognizing the patterns associated with these three areas: awe, gratitude and worship? For one, it gives us a fuller understanding of how we can engage in the behavior of good mental health. Most therapists will agree that knowing how we function can inform the behaviors we move and operate in; second, my behavior can be modified toward being a healthier individual. Knowing that there is something in me that requires awe, gratitude and worship sets me on a course to engage in those healthy activities; third, it helps me interact relationally with everyone I come into contact with. This points back to the simple adage that in order to connect with others I must first connect with myself. I see that the more grateful I see others being, (or awe inspired, or worship filled) the more I want to know and connect with them; third, and finally, I might consider that these parts in me that exist do so for a greater purpose. It invites the question that, if we are made this way, why? If I am made to seek something outside myself that can give me something I might need, how does this move and direct who I am and what I do?
The questions can be many and the answers moving. It is important to mention that, though we may need something outside ourselves we must be sure to not totally eliminate ourselves to an unhealthy extent. We must always be aware that those areas outside us to which we reach out must also be reliable, healthy, and worthy of our awe, gratitude, and worship—to find what that is can be amazing, gratifying and complete.
If you have questions or comments please visit my Facebook page at Chris Oneth LMFT, or if you would like to know more about me visit my website at www.chrisoneth.com.
Chris
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/171864-we-are-perishing-for-want-of-wonder-not-for-want
Carlin, Flora (2016, September 23) Its Not All About You: Psychology Today, March 8, 2016
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201603/its-not-all-about-you
Campos B, Shiota M, Keltner D, Gonzaga G, Goetz J. (2016, September 19) What is shared, what is different? Core relational themes and expressive displays of eight positive emotions. Cognition & Emotion [serial online]. January 2013;27(1):37-52.