Obsessive Thoughts Part 1: How they Come
/Why
Although there can be many reasons we have obsessive thoughts, (including an anxiety disorder) the most common stem from deep emotions we want to process, fix, or solve and we can’t quite wrap our head around. This, in turn, can cause anxiety and tension as we try to “mull things over”; Ironically, the more we try to think it through, the more we sometimes cannot let go and, the more anxious we feel. It can be a vicious process.
What
There can also be a variety of the types of obsessive thoughts we have. Some have to do with how we feel about ourselves: “I am horrible,” “Why can’t I get things right”, “There I go again!” Other thoughts reflect a feeling we may have about a situation: “I should have said…”, “I can’t believe I acted like that”, “What was I thinking?” “Life will never get better if ______ happens.” Still other thoughts can be about other people around us: “That guy hates me”, “I’ve got to show her/him that I’m a good person”, “I know they all talk about me behind my back!” All have to do with how we interpret ours and others thoughts and feelings.
When
Most have trouble with obsessive thoughts when they have nothing else to think about. These times can come throughout the day or in the quiet of night. Those who may have social anxiety may have them in the presence of others—like at a park or when around a group of people. Often times, we may invite the obsessive thought because we are trying to work through an issue in our lives.
How
Understanding how can help us make progress toward stemming such emotions off. First, it helps to understand that our thoughts are neither right nor wrong, the just are. They first may start harmlessly enough but can take over if we are not careful. Below is a step-by-step example of how thoughts may become obsessive:
1. An issue or problem arises in our life.
2. We employ our natural thought process to try and “work it out”. (It should be noted that our background and disposition play a huge role in what thoughts we use to work things out).
3. The solution is not easily forthcoming and we become anxious or scared.
4. We try to overcome our anxiety by continuing to push ourselves to figure things out by taking valuable moments throughout the day to “think on it still”.
5. More anxiety is caused because there is still no easy answer.
6. The anxiety we feel disrupts our thought process as negative emotions are fed. (Emotions can come early in this process for whatever reason, once they do, the cycle takes hold!)
7. Now, instead of the thought process helping us, it becomes associated with the negative emotions we are feeling. These emotions, in turn, feed our worry, regret, and….thoughts.
8. We feel trapped by our thoughts and feel we cannot let go.
What Can We Do?
Is there hope? Indeed there is, but first we have to accept of few things that we may be fighting against:
1. First, some of the problems we are having may have no easy fix. They may take time, effort, and a reworking of the way we have previously done things. (This can be scary as we move into unfamiliar territory; however, the current method we are using is only causing us more hurt and anxiety).
2. As a re-iteration of the first point, there is no sliver-bullet fix, but there is hope! Hope comes in the form of many small changes and behaviors we can take to lessen our turmoil.
3. Also realize that the push to want to fix the thoughts straight away may actually be making them worse. With this, it may help to accept that lessening your thoughts is a process. Processes take more time, but they also have a more lasting hold for true change.
4. There most certainly can be deeper issues that have begun the thoughts in the first place but in order to begin to process those issues, the invasive and taxing thoughts must be lessened.
Next post, what we can REALLY do to take practical steps in dealing with our obsessive thoughts. As always, if you have any thoughts or input please visit my Facebook business page Chris Oneth MFTi and leave a word.
Chris