Obsessive Thoughts Part 2: How We Can Stop Them, REALLY.

In our last post we spoke of how obsessive thoughts may take hold along with some considerations in treating them. This time, we look a simple mnemonic device that may aid in our addressing them. 

What Can We REALLY do?

Some practical, hands on, techniques we can begin to utilize can help our anxiety decrease in order for us to find a solid solution. Keep in mind that any of these things, just like our thoughts, must be practiced in proper context and moderation lest they become a problem.

R: Relax: This can be done through deep breathing, listening to music, or re-directing our thoughts to more visible and tangible things around us (grounding and mindfulness). We can also push out invasive thoughts by creating positive mental images. Any of us can use the things we enjoy the most to replace the thoughts we are disturbed by. Walk, ride, run, watch, and even imagine. These can give your mind a break.

E: Engaging Activity: Becoming involved and engrossed in an activity that releases our thoughts and gives us a mental break. Having a hobby or activity, working, going out with friends, reading, and attending a talk or religious service can change our brain waves and stimulate healthy thinking.

A: Access: Consciously limit the time your persistent or disturbing thoughts are allowed to take up real-estate in your head. If your mind tries to go back to “figuring things out”, deliberately tell yourself, “I cannot think about this right now” and schedule a time to think about it later. When the time comes again, give yourself 10—15 minutes or so to mull it over, if there is no new solution, schedule a time the following day and stick to it, reminding yourself every time they creep up, “not now, not until 1:00pm.”

L: Let Go: Letting go is easier said than done, but it does help to keep in mind a few ideas we can remember so that letting go is possible. For one, we must keep in mind there are things inside of our control and those outside of our control. Things inside of our control include our reactions, feelings, and behaviors…areas that are totally up to us. Things outside of our control involve other people, events, or illnesses—among other things. The first question we must ask ourselves is “can I control this?” (Remember, we cannot control other people’s feelings, only our own).  When we settle on what is inside and outside our control we must put off what we cannot control and work to change our reactions. Sometimes, even saying “I cannot control this” can help to move out of the thought and on to other things.

L: Language: The language we tell ourselves (what we have in our head) can be a huge driving force toward our obsessive thoughts. If what we are hearing is “you are a loser”, “you totally screwed up and can never recover”, and “YOU have to fix this NOW!” we can begin to challenge those thoughts with the opposite viewpoint. Re-writing the language we have inside of us can begin to answer many of our thoughts.

Y: “Why” and “What If”: First, it is necessary to split these two terms up to help us better understand. The constant questions “why?” has both benefits and drawbacks. In fact, sometimes obsessive thoughts are all about the “why” of an event in our life. It is healthy to look at underlying factors of a situation and provide meaning to what happens in our life; however, if we cannot come up with a deeper meaning within the time we have scheduled to think on it (remember “Access”) then the “why” can be dangerous. Sometimes the reason why may take years to reveal itself, and that’s okay. If we continue to hold on to “why” and are not satisfied with any answers then it can be unhealthy and must be put away.

“What if” is similar to “why” in that there are good and bad sides to it. If the “what if” helps us to make a better decision the next time around, then kudos! It has served its purpose and we can move on; however, if we just keep spinning on an imaginary outcome based on “what if” and it’s close cousin “if only” then we are only asking for trouble. The fact of the matter is “what if” did not (or has not) happen(ed) and creating a better (or worse) scenario in our head, and lamenting that it did not (or will) happen that way, will only cause us more heartache.

As always, if you have any thoughts or opinions on this, or if it was helpful in any way, leave a comment or two on my Facebook page; Chris Oneth MFTi. Till then, see you next time!

Chris